Your urge….

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Your urge to control life

controls you.

Mooji

Tu necesidad de controlar la vida

te controla a tí.

Mooji

N.B.

Outside any other contexts you can give to this quote, if you relate this to childhood, it makes perfect sense. Children need to control their play, their time, their space, their will, their life, so they can control – self regulate -themselves and learn.

Also you can think on the other end of the stick which is when the adult needs to control the life of this child from beginning to end, is taking away from the child the possibility to learn.

I´m not advocating for a free range and allow the child to do whatever it comes to his mind, whatever takes his will; I am advocating for a delicate balance of power (control), where parent and child can work together in a rhythm, where the adult can control the environment so the child can play and learn to control his play, his time, his will and senses.

Comes to mind the word respect. If we respect the child, we respect ourselves.

N.B.

Fuera de cualquier otro contexto que se le pueda dar a esta frase, ésta se puede relacionar perfectamente con los niños. Los niños necesitan controlar su juego, su tiempo, su espacio, su voluntad, su vida, para así aprender a controlarse – regularse – a ellos mismos.

También se puede pensar en el otro extremo, que es cuando los adultos necesitan controlar la vida del niño de principio a fin. Al hacer esto, el adulto le quita la posibilidad al niño de aprender.

No estoy abogando por darle al niño el libre albedrío, que el niño decida hacer lo que se le venga a la mente y en gana; estoy abogando por un delicado balance de poder (control) entre adulto e infante, donde los adultos y los niños pueden trabajar juntos en un ritmo, donde el adulto puede controlar el entorno y el niño puede jugar, y aprender a controlar su juego, su tiempo, su voluntad y sus sentidos.

Se me ocurre la palabra respeto a la niñez. Respetando al niño, nos respetamos a nosotros mismos.

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Beauty is…

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

This phrase came in my inbox today with my “weekly reflection” of NVC (Non-Violent Communication), together with a beautiful excerpt from Mary Mackenzie’s book “Peaceful living”. And it does ring some bells. A few days back I was having a conversation with a friend and somehow, we ended up talking about my work and education. Then the question came along:
” Are you ever going to work with “normal” children”?

My silence was ominous and those few seconds between the question and my answer felt rather awkward.

“All children are “normal”, the children I work with are children that life did not smile too much at them, that’s all.”

My friend , after a short silence, agreed.

No need to say the conversation finished, in good terms but unexpectedly quick.

Today when I read the phrase “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” this morning and I just swap “Beauty” for “Normality” and it made all the sense in the world. “Normality is in the eye of the beholder”.

I kept thinking about it and amazes me how people tend to make a judgement without having the whole context. Something is clear and it is true: it is human to judge and without judging we would not survive. As human beings we live making judgements and decisions to get through the day and life. When judging we can make distinction and separate between “us” and “them”.

As for me all children are “normal”. Some of them had to endure unnecessary trauma; some of them had to survive hostile environments whilst others had to forget all about being children and grow up fast beyond their years.  These are circumstances, contexts. I see all children as beautiful beings full of magic and potential to become the best versions of themselves despite the circumstances and contexts of their own lives. 

I feel that people judge too much; it is easy to do so. If only people could only step back and consider accepting some things as they are, without judging, life could be so much easier. If people could be more open to consider there are many other realities, beauties and normality and perhaps hold conversations about it instead of quickly judging and making the “us” and “them” gap.  


La belleza…

“La belleza está en los ojos de aquel que mira”

Esta frase apareció hoy en mi casilla de emails junto con una reflexión de NVC (Non-Violent Communication) junto con un hermoso extracto del libro de Mary Mackenzie “Peaceful living”. Y es una frase que quedó en mi cabeza, luego de una conversación hace unos dias atrás con un amigo, en la cual no sé como terminamos hablando de mi trabajo y de educación. Y surgió la pregunta de su parte:

“Alguna vez, vas a trabajar con niños “normales”?

Luego de un silencio molesto, ominoso, esos pocos segundos entre la pregunta y mi respuesta fueron mas que incómodos.

“Todos los chicos son “Normales”; que a algunos la vida no les haya sonreído lo suficiente, ese es otro tema.”

Mi amigo, luego de un breve silencio, coincidió conmigo.

Demas está decir que la conversación terminó rápidamente, en buenos términos.

Hoy cuando leí la frase “La belleza está en los ojos de aquel que mira” cambié la palabra “Belleza” por “Normalidad” y cobró todo el sentido del mundo. “La normalidad está en los ojos de aquel que mira”.

Cuanto mas lo pienso mas me sorprendo de como la gente se apresura a juzgar, sin tener en cuenta el contexto. Hay algo que es muy claro y es cierto: es humano juzgar; y sin la capacidad de juzgar, no sobreviviríamos. Como seres humanos que somos, vivimos juzgando, y gracias a esos juicios y decisiones vivimos el día a día, vivimos la vida. Cada vez que juzgamos, hacemos la distinción que nos separa entre “nosotros” y “ellos”.

Para mi, todos los niños son “normales”. Algunos han tenido que soportar traumas innecesarios; otros han tenido que sobrevivir ambientes hostiles, mientras que otros se tuvieron que olvidar de ser niños y crecer rápidamente y ser mas grandes que su edad real. Estas son circunstancias, contextos. En mis ojos, todos los niños son seres llenos de magia y potencial para convertirse en la mejor versión de ellos mismos, mas allá de las circunstancias y contextos de sus vidas.

Siento que la gente juzga muy rápido; al final de cuentas es muy fácil hacerlo. Tal vez si la gente pudiera dar un paso atrás y considerar las cosas por los que son, sin juzgar, la vida sería mas fácil. Si la gente pudiera ser mas abierta y considerar que hay muchísimas otras realidades, bellezas y normalidades, y tal vez conversar acerca de ellas en vez de rápidamente juzgar y generar la brecha entre “ellos” y “nosotros”. 

Fundamentally human.

Sorting papers out, I found this little quote.

Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still, be good enough.

You can make mistakes, and still, be capable and talented.

You can let people down and still, be worthwhile and deserving of love.

Everyone has disappointed someone they care about.

Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes.

Not because we are inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we are imperfect and fundamentally human.

Expecting anything different is setting yourself up to failure.”

Daniell Koepke

I think we should remember this every single day. As we may try to be the best versions of ourselves, day in , day out, we still are as the quote says, fundamentally human and we are, at the end of the day  prone to mess up, to disappoint, to make mistakes.

This should be taught to children, so they can embrace their humanity wholeheartedly, they can be perfectly imperfect, fundamentally human.

Also – lest we forget – we should teach masterly lessons on how important it is to recognise our imperfections and act upon them. So we can restore, once more the balancing scales until next time.

P.S. Dear Daniell Koepke, thank you for writing this. Whomever you are, wherever you are.

 

 

 

Reflection

One day, two parents turn to their rabbi for advice, because of serious problems they are having in raising their child.

They ask this wise man to suggest something they could do to help their son overcome his problems.

The rabbi thinks for a moment and then looks at the parents in some surprise and says,

“It is not your child who needs to change, but you who must change first.”

 

Armin Krenz (Ed.) Handbuch fur Erzieherinnen (loose-leaf periodical) 06/2005 issue