Good leaders

Buenos líderes (Follow this link for a rough translation in Spanish. Thanks!)

Last night I watched a couple of TED Talks by Simon Sinek. One of them is entitled “Why good leaders make you feel safe” and I cannot recommend it more.( Check it here: https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_why_good_leaders_make_you_feel_safe).

He talks about the circle of safety and trust, how trust makes us feel safe, on his own words, “you can sleep at night because you trust that someone in this circle of safety will be looking out for danger”.

He then goes on talking about leadership and how the leader sets the tone. And how the leader makes the people in the organisation feel safe, the leader generates this circle of safety. He spoke about how fear can destroy an organisation form the inside, fear based on the lack of trust; and how when there is trust, all forces and resources are bundled together to generate and achieve.

The part that interested me the most is when he talks about parenting, and how as parents we become the “leader: a person who holds a position of power and how those who lead inspire us; how do we follow them, not because we have to but because we want to – because they inspire us, because they give us a sense of safety, because they trust us and in return we trust them”.

Simon Sinek is a motivational speaker and a business consultant (check him out here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Sinek) and you may wonder how on earth I am talking about him and relating his concepts and ideas to parenthood and childhood.

Simple: because if I strip down parenthood of all the subjectivity, it all comes down to be a good leader. Yes, a good parent is a good leader! A child does entrust implicitly and without questioning a parent with his life for several years of his life; a child believes with blind faith in his leader. A parent is the one who makes the child feel safe, who inspires, who educates, who trust on this child, who gives the child opportunities to grow, to make mistakes. A parent is the one who goes around with an iron fist in a silk glove.

The parent is the one who will build this circle of safety and who will watch out for any dangers so the child can sleep well at night (paraphrasing Simon Sinek) and it will be the parent’s job to generate it. And as a giant plus, when there is trust there is abundance of will power to achieve, to grow, to generate and to contribute.

To great parenting, to great leadership; to epic fails and astounding recoveries.

Thank you Simon.

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Once you realise…

Once you realise that the road is the goal

and that you are always on the road,

not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and its wisdom,

life ceases to be a task

and becomes natural and simple,

in itself an ecstasy.

Nisargadatta Maharaj

Cuando finalmente tedes cuenta que el camino es la meta

y que siempre estás en el camino,

no para alcanzar la meta sino para disfrutar de su belleza y sabiduría,

la vida deja de ser una tarea

y se vuelve simple, natural,

un éxtasis en si misma.

Nisargadatta Maharaj

N.B.

This kind of wisdom is the one that comes naturally with children. Life for children is natural, is simple, it is a road through a journey that comes full of wonders and amazement at each turn.

I keep wondering why adults insist on turning this natural wonder into a task, erase these forces from the child’s mind to make life a task with boxes to tick and dotted lines to fill, pre-emptied ideas and things that lack room for creation.

N.B.

Esta clase de filosofía es la que viene naturalmente en un niño. La vida, para un niño es natural, es simple, es un camino a través de una jornada que está llena de maravillas y sorpresas en cada esquina.

Aún me pregunto porqué los adultos insistimos en transformar esta maravilla natural en una tarea, borrar estas fuerzas de la mente del niño para hacer de la vida una tarea con casilleros para tildar, líneas para rellenar, ideas ya vacías de contenido y cosas que no dejan lugar para la creatividad.

Your urge….

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Your urge to control life

controls you.

Mooji

Tu necesidad de controlar la vida

te controla a tí.

Mooji

N.B.

Outside any other contexts you can give to this quote, if you relate this to childhood, it makes perfect sense. Children need to control their play, their time, their space, their will, their life, so they can control – self regulate -themselves and learn.

Also you can think on the other end of the stick which is when the adult needs to control the life of this child from beginning to end, is taking away from the child the possibility to learn.

I´m not advocating for a free range and allow the child to do whatever it comes to his mind, whatever takes his will; I am advocating for a delicate balance of power (control), where parent and child can work together in a rhythm, where the adult can control the environment so the child can play and learn to control his play, his time, his will and senses.

Comes to mind the word respect. If we respect the child, we respect ourselves.

N.B.

Fuera de cualquier otro contexto que se le pueda dar a esta frase, ésta se puede relacionar perfectamente con los niños. Los niños necesitan controlar su juego, su tiempo, su espacio, su voluntad, su vida, para así aprender a controlarse – regularse – a ellos mismos.

También se puede pensar en el otro extremo, que es cuando los adultos necesitan controlar la vida del niño de principio a fin. Al hacer esto, el adulto le quita la posibilidad al niño de aprender.

No estoy abogando por darle al niño el libre albedrío, que el niño decida hacer lo que se le venga a la mente y en gana; estoy abogando por un delicado balance de poder (control) entre adulto e infante, donde los adultos y los niños pueden trabajar juntos en un ritmo, donde el adulto puede controlar el entorno y el niño puede jugar, y aprender a controlar su juego, su tiempo, su voluntad y sus sentidos.

Se me ocurre la palabra respeto a la niñez. Respetando al niño, nos respetamos a nosotros mismos.

Beauty is…

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

This phrase came in my inbox today with my “weekly reflection” of NVC (Non-Violent Communication), together with a beautiful excerpt from Mary Mackenzie’s book “Peaceful living”. And it does ring some bells. A few days back I was having a conversation with a friend and somehow, we ended up talking about my work and education. Then the question came along:
” Are you ever going to work with “normal” children”?

My silence was ominous and those few seconds between the question and my answer felt rather awkward.

“All children are “normal”, the children I work with are children that life did not smile too much at them, that’s all.”

My friend , after a short silence, agreed.

No need to say the conversation finished, in good terms but unexpectedly quick.

Today when I read the phrase “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” this morning and I just swap “Beauty” for “Normality” and it made all the sense in the world. “Normality is in the eye of the beholder”.

I kept thinking about it and amazes me how people tend to make a judgement without having the whole context. Something is clear and it is true: it is human to judge and without judging we would not survive. As human beings we live making judgements and decisions to get through the day and life. When judging we can make distinction and separate between “us” and “them”.

As for me all children are “normal”. Some of them had to endure unnecessary trauma; some of them had to survive hostile environments whilst others had to forget all about being children and grow up fast beyond their years.  These are circumstances, contexts. I see all children as beautiful beings full of magic and potential to become the best versions of themselves despite the circumstances and contexts of their own lives. 

I feel that people judge too much; it is easy to do so. If only people could only step back and consider accepting some things as they are, without judging, life could be so much easier. If people could be more open to consider there are many other realities, beauties and normality and perhaps hold conversations about it instead of quickly judging and making the “us” and “them” gap.  


La belleza…

“La belleza está en los ojos de aquel que mira”

Esta frase apareció hoy en mi casilla de emails junto con una reflexión de NVC (Non-Violent Communication) junto con un hermoso extracto del libro de Mary Mackenzie “Peaceful living”. Y es una frase que quedó en mi cabeza, luego de una conversación hace unos dias atrás con un amigo, en la cual no sé como terminamos hablando de mi trabajo y de educación. Y surgió la pregunta de su parte:

“Alguna vez, vas a trabajar con niños “normales”?

Luego de un silencio molesto, ominoso, esos pocos segundos entre la pregunta y mi respuesta fueron mas que incómodos.

“Todos los chicos son “Normales”; que a algunos la vida no les haya sonreído lo suficiente, ese es otro tema.”

Mi amigo, luego de un breve silencio, coincidió conmigo.

Demas está decir que la conversación terminó rápidamente, en buenos términos.

Hoy cuando leí la frase “La belleza está en los ojos de aquel que mira” cambié la palabra “Belleza” por “Normalidad” y cobró todo el sentido del mundo. “La normalidad está en los ojos de aquel que mira”.

Cuanto mas lo pienso mas me sorprendo de como la gente se apresura a juzgar, sin tener en cuenta el contexto. Hay algo que es muy claro y es cierto: es humano juzgar; y sin la capacidad de juzgar, no sobreviviríamos. Como seres humanos que somos, vivimos juzgando, y gracias a esos juicios y decisiones vivimos el día a día, vivimos la vida. Cada vez que juzgamos, hacemos la distinción que nos separa entre “nosotros” y “ellos”.

Para mi, todos los niños son “normales”. Algunos han tenido que soportar traumas innecesarios; otros han tenido que sobrevivir ambientes hostiles, mientras que otros se tuvieron que olvidar de ser niños y crecer rápidamente y ser mas grandes que su edad real. Estas son circunstancias, contextos. En mis ojos, todos los niños son seres llenos de magia y potencial para convertirse en la mejor versión de ellos mismos, mas allá de las circunstancias y contextos de sus vidas.

Siento que la gente juzga muy rápido; al final de cuentas es muy fácil hacerlo. Tal vez si la gente pudiera dar un paso atrás y considerar las cosas por los que son, sin juzgar, la vida sería mas fácil. Si la gente pudiera ser mas abierta y considerar que hay muchísimas otras realidades, bellezas y normalidades, y tal vez conversar acerca de ellas en vez de rápidamente juzgar y generar la brecha entre “ellos” y “nosotros”.